How EMDR Trauma Therapy Resurfaces Emotions

Petrol pumps and holding onto anger at my dad

Having dealt with the choking incident with the Lemon Drizzle cake, when I arrived for my second session of EMDR therapy, we found that the memory was no longer there. When I went back to that old memory with that old feeling…it was gone! I guess the proof was in the pudding so to speak

So onwards and upwards with the emotional clearout, starting with a minor bike accident. 

Close encounters with petrol pumps - two emotions for the price of one

My daily commute to secondary school involved cycling through the village, leaving my bike at my Paps and then walking to school a short way. There was a shortcut by a garage in the village through an alleyway to my Paps house. In my eagerness to get to school, I managed to swerve across in front of a car on my bike, who thank the lord equally managed to swerve and embed me in the petrol pumps at the garage! Had they not taken corrective action I think it may have been a whole lot worse.

So as I relived this memory during my EMDR therapy session, a number of different emotions actually surfaced. At first I felt the fear in my body as I relived the accident, and even some of the pain in my shoulder that took the brunt of the petrol pump. As these feelings began to subside, something else surfaced….another emotion!

Now I had conveniently forgotten this part of the story, but there was some guilt, as the memory re-emerged I realised that everyone at the petrol station had run to my aid and some were berating the car driver for their actions of knocking a boy off his bike. In my shock I took flight and told everyone I was okay. 

So to the driver of the car if you do ever happen to read this, I am sorry, I swerved in front of you and thank you for not completely wiping me out.

When working on this trapped emotion I realised I needed to release both the guilt and the fear all in one go.

My beloved red Fiesta

I am lucky to say I had a very privileged childhood, my dad worked hard and was a successful man, but he was also a bit of a bugger!

I was fortunate enough that he introduced me to rugby, skiing, socialising, and bailed me out when I let my studies slip (gave me a job etc). Luckily, later in life, although it was very challenging, I got to look after him for seven years after my mother passed. That wasn’t without its challenges though, but that is one for another blog.

However…and there had to be a but didn’t there, when I was doing my mind map, some things came to mind. To start with, firstly when he crashed into my car and secondly lets just say he was a bit of a ladies man…

My 21st birthday saw my Grandfather give me some money to put away for a rainy day, so of course I went out and bought a sporty red Fiesta. I thought I was the bees knees, this car was my pride and joy. Only days after getting it, I pulled up on the drive, behind my dad's car and was tuning the radio. Now I didn’t know he was in his car and did not see me pull up behind him, he then reversed straight back into my beautiful red Fiesta! In the moment I was furious and apparently still was angry about this. The scene that ensued was not pleasant in front of the whole street and during my EMDR trauma therapy years later, I released anger, embarrassment, and again, guilt for behaving in such a way.

So, why am I angry at my Dad?

I was angry about living and being stuck in this village, working with my dad who had a certain reputation with the ladies. Whether it is true or not, to the mind it is of no relevance as that is what I chose to believe regardless.

You see, perception is everything in dealing with emotions, whether they are current or trapped, so I was harbouring anger based on hearsay, not knowledge. If I was to be at peace with my father, I knew I had to deal with this one way or another.

When we explored this memory, what really changed was my understanding that holding onto anger is like holding onto a hot coal, the only person it is burning is you. 

Through using EMDR, my subconscious reframed this story to accept that my parents remained happily married, did everything they possibly could for me, so I let go of any resentful feelings and see that time with joy now, which is a much better feeling altogether.

Let Off Your Landmines With EMDR Trauma Therapy

I hope this has given further insight into my journey, just remember every negative emotion is based on fear (anxiety), so as you let go of old emotions your fear responses get diminished.

I will continue with the other bombs that started my EMDR journey next time…however if you want more information or to book an appointment to start changing your life, please call me…it really will change your life.